


it's time to get up and let go (you're gonna come undone)

by ThirtySixSaveFiles



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Joker as a semi-separate entity from Akira, M/M, Multi, alter-egos come to life, and causing problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 10:05:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14639574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirtySixSaveFiles/pseuds/ThirtySixSaveFiles
Summary: Akira knows that Ryuji thinks of him as a friend. Best friends, sure, and Akira has beenexceedinglylucky in that regard - but just friends. Anything more is purely Akira's overactive imagination.Joker thinks that Akira is dead wrong, and he's getting tired of Akira dragging his feet. Fortunately for Akira, Joker can bitch but he can't take matters into his own hands.Probably.





	it's time to get up and let go (you're gonna come undone)

**Author's Note:**

> This one is (again) for [fleurdeliser](http://flerudeliser.tumblr.com) and [ohnoktcsk](http://ohnoktcsk.tumblr.com) for being an endless wellspring of ideas and encouragement.
> 
> This piece is not technically part of the More Bang For Your Buck: Persona Edition, although it shares some of the same elements.

“He’d say yes, you know,” Joker says, leaning against Akira’s back as Akira props his foot on the bench.

“What are you talking about?” Akira says quietly, bending to untie and re-tie his laces while he glances over at Ryuji. It’s not  _ quite _ a confrontation happening with the former track team members, but it doesn’t sound entirely friendly, either – best to keep an eye on it.

Joker huffs, and Akira can practically  _ hear _ him rolling his eyes. “ _ Ryuji _ . He’d say yes.”

“Yes to what?” Akira murmurs, taking a quick survey of the courtyard. No one’s near enough to hear, and the passers-by are all pretending not to notice Ryuji and Takeishi, but it won’t help his reputation if he gets spotted talking to himself.

Joker, of course, doesn’t let things like Akira’s need to appear relatively sane stop him. “I mean, the real answer is, ‘anything you asked,’ but to answer your  _ specific _ question – “ his voice turns sly as Akira coughs “ – you were thinking about what it would be like to kiss him, and I’m telling you: if you asked, he’d say yes.”

Months of practice enable Akira to keep a straight face, but it’s a close thing.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Akira hisses, shrugging Joker off as he straightens.

Joker rests a hand high on Akira’s back as Ryuji ducks his head and rubs the back of his neck, glancing over at Akira. He smiles, quick and gone, before shaking his head and saying something Akira can’t catch. Ryuji claps Takeishi on the shoulder and heads back over to Akira - looks like it ended amicably enough, then.

“Don’t I?” Joker murmurs, low and smug, and then the hand on his back disappears and Akira knows that Joker is gone, back inside Akira’s heart or wherever he goes when he’s not making Akira’s life difficult.

Akira’s not sure how that works, exactly. When he’s in the Metaverse he  _ is _ Joker, and Joker is him; there’s no separation, and he never feels like a part of him is splintered off. But here in reality -

Here in reality, Joker sometimes shows up unannounced, peering over Akira’s shoulder as he’s making infiltration tools, or providing acidic commentary in afternoon classes while Akira’s trying desperately to stay awake. No one else seems to be able to see or hear him, not even Morgana. Akira supposes that’s a small mercy; and really, of all the things he’s gotten used to since coming to Tokyo, seeing his own alter-ego toying with a dagger during biology is probably at least halfway down the list of  _ weird _ . At least.

...which is how he justifies not telling the others. He doesn’t want to worry them; he’s also halfway afraid Morgana or Makoto or even Yusuke will come up with a way to make it  _ stop _ , and Akira is...unwilling to restrain Joker, even in something as strange as this.

It’s not hurting anything. As long as Akira can keep a straight face and remember not to respond when other people are around, it won’t be a problem.

He’s - Joker’s  _ wrong _ about Ryuji, though. He might be wrong about very little else, but he’s not right in this - Ryuji thinks of Akira as a friend, nothing more, and Akira is acutely aware of how  _ blindingly _ lucky he’s been in that regard. Ryuji is the best friend Akira’s ever had. There’s no way he’s going to fuck that up.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Ryuji says, jogging up. He rolls his shoulders and pops his neck. “Took longer than I thought.”

“It’s no trouble,” Akira says, putting his hands in his pockets. “Did you get things sorted?”

Ryuji puts his arms behind him and stretches. “Yeah - yeah, I think so. Those guys are just - they’re just angry, you know? I get that.” He bounces in place for a moment. “I hope they make it. But I’ve got bigger and better things to look forward to now, right?” He laughs and elbows Akira in the side.

Akira takes it and nudges Ryuji back, playfully. Ryuji laughs again, and Akira finds himself caught by the length of Ryuji’s neck as his head tips back, the part of his lips -

Yeah. Joker...hadn’t been wrong about  _ everything _ .

* * *

Joker doesn’t seem to want to let it go, is the thing.

“A million yen says that’s him,” Joker says as Akira’s phone buzzes, propped up at the wall at the foot of Akira’s bed. Akira judiciously ignores him, fishing his phone out from under his pillow.

_ R: Can I come study at your place tomorrow? I’m getting jack-all done by myself. _

_ R: Makoto threatened to tutor me if my grades don’t come up. Please don’t leave me to that, buddy. _

_ R: I’ll bring sodas! _

Akira grins at the screen reflexively.  _ Sure _ , he types out.  _ I want melon. _

_ R: Awesome!! I owe you one, man. _

_ You owe me a soda, _ Akira sends, and Ryuji responds with a crazy-faced emoji that Akira’s pretty sure he’s seen Ryuji try to replicate in real life.

“You’re smiling,” Joker says, like Akira doesn’t know it.

“Shut up,” Akira suggests.

“Come on. If Ryuji is too hard, there’s always Skull.” Joker puts his hand on Akira’s ankle and shakes it gently. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I’m telling you, you’re in, easy.”

This conversation is starting to make Akira’s head hurt. He contemplates throwing his phone at Joker, but Joker will probably just catch it - or he’ll let it sail right through him, and the crash will wake Morgana up, and the phone’s screen will be trashed. Instead Akira peers around it, glaring down the bed.

“You know they’re the same person, right?”

Joker grins, teeth bright in the ambient streetlight. “Of course. Just trying to make it easier on you.”

“Stop trying.” Akira looks back at his screen, pretending to check messages, but the words won’t resolve. “Why do you care so much about this, anyway?”

Akira can feel the movement as Joker shifts, can feel every dip in the mattress as Joker crawls up the bed. His weight settles over Akira’s hips but Akira doesn’t look up until Joker plucks the phone out of his grasp, tossing it next to the pillow. Akira scowls, glancing to the side but Morgana is still dead asleep. Joker drums gloved fingers over Akira’s heart, drawing his attention back.

“I care because you care,” Joker says, and his face looks dead serious. “You can lie to him, you can lie to yourself if you want, but you can’t lie to me.”

That stings, more than Akira wants it to. “Ryuji is my best friend,” Akira says quietly but firmly. “I’m not ready to lose that ag- I don’t want to lose that,” he finishes.

Joker’s mouth flattens for a second, then he’s shaking his head ruefully. “Maybe you do need those,” he says, nodding at Akira’s glasses, folded neatly on the windowsill. “Can’t see what’s right in front of you.” He flattens his palm against Akira’s chest, and then he’s gone, weight evaporating off of Akira’s hips.

“I can see  _ fine _ ,” Akira snaps to the empty air, then starts as Morgana yawns and stretches next to him.

“Whazzat?” Morgana mumbles sleepily.

“Nothing. Go to sleep.”

Morgana grumbles “ _ you _ go to sleep,” but he curls back up, and any satisfaction Akira gets out of feeding that line back to him fades under the echo of Joker’s parting shot.

Akira does care. More than he should. He  _ wants _ more than he should; and he supposes that it’s only natural that Joker refuses to let him look away from that.

But Akira sees Ryuji clearly.

Doesn’t he?

* * *

He thinks about it all day: on the train, trying to take up as little space as possible; navigating the streets of Aoyama Itchome on autopilot; during classes where he keeps half an ear open for his name. Joker knows him better than anyone could possibly know him; he would never hurt Akira, not on purpose. What he  _ might _ do, Akira thinks, is become so blinded by what Akira wants that he looks past the obvious danger. Ryuji texts him halfway through afternoon classes -  _ See you soon! Don’t forget! _ Akira halfway expects Joker to press his case right there in the middle of English where Akira can’t respond, but Joker appears to have said his piece, because he doesn’t make a single appearance, not even the long flutter of a coat in the corner of Akira’s eye.

That  _ should _ be a relief, but instead Akira feels like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Ryuji is waiting for him when school finally lets out, lounging near the stairwell with a bottle in each hand. He brightens when he sees Akira, and Akira finds himself smiling back before he can help himself.

“Melon, as requested.” Ryuji extends the bottle out, tapping it against Akira’s chest. “Last one; you got lucky.”

_ Yeah, I did. _ “Thanks.” Akira takes the soda, stowing it in his bag. It’s emptier than usual, Morgana out on a mysterious errand in Mementos. “You ready?

Ryuji makes a face. “As I’ll ever be. You?” Akira nods and letts Ryuji take the lead, down the stairs and toward the station.

The threat of Makoto will apparently only take Ryuji so far; half an hour into their session he’s stretching and yawning, textbook sliding off of his lap onto the bed. The gentle hum of conversation from the cafe filters up the stairs as Ryuji slumps back against the wall.

“Man, I don’t get any of this,” he complains, and Akira looks up from where he’s seated on the floor. “Why can’t we study something  _ important _ ?”

“School is important,” Akira says automatically, glancing back down at his work.

Ryuji makes a rude noise. “C’mon - are you really telling me that out of everything in your life right now,  _ school _ is what gets you going?”

Akira laughs. “No - no, I can’t say that it is.” He looks back up at Ryuji, who’s grinning at him with a “ _ see?”  _ expression on his face.

“Right? That’s what I’m saying.” Ryuji closes his book, apparently done with algebra for the time being. He shifts closer to the edge of the bed, unfolding his legs and resting his forearms on his knees.

“For a long time, I kept going because of the track team. That was it, the reason I got out of bed in the morning. And then -” Ryuji presses his hand together for a moment. “And then it was gone, and nothing mattered. And then you came along.” Ryuji shakes his head, but he’s smiling. “Being with you guys, making shitty adults face the consequences for what they’ve done -  _ that’s _ what’s important to me now. “ He looks over at Akira, and his eyes are shining. “I don’t know where I’d be without you, and that’s the truth.”

“This is where you kiss him,” comes a familiar voice to Akira’s left, and Akira turns his head just enough to see Joker perched in Morgana’s usual spot, on the low wall beside the stairs. He jerks his head at Ryuji, as if his meaning wasn’t obvious enough.

Akira shakes his head at both of them. “You’d survive without me,” he tells Ryuji. “You’re strong - you’d figure something out.”

“Hmm.” Ryuji worries his bottom lip in his teeth, and Akira forces himself not to stare. Joker makes a frustrated noise from across the room, and Akira’s hand flexes on his knee.

“The thing is.” Ryuji slants a look at Akira sideways, and Akira feels the breath leave his lungs in a rush. “The thing is that I don’t really  _ want _ to.”

“You are  _ never _ going to get a clearer invitation than this,” Joker says and Akira refuses to look at him as he tries to sort through possible answers.  _ You’d be fine _ \- that’s too pat, and besides, he’s already said it.  _ We’re all in this together _ \- true, but Ryuji hasn’t really been talking about the others - he’s been talking about  _ Akira _ . It’d be a deflection at best.

_ You don’t have to _ \- that’s what he  _ wants _ to say, but the words stick in his throat, they feel like  _ too much _ , like if he says them he won’t be able to  _ stop _ , and all the rest will come spilling out behind it.

Ryuji shifts, looking downward and picking at the edge of Akira’s comforter, and Akira chokes on the words he wants to say, panic rising in his gut.

“Oh my  _ god _ ,” Joker says, and Akira has to fight not to look at him - so much so that he almost misses it when Joker pushes off the wall, adjusting his gloves as he strides forward. Between one step and the next Joker  _ shimmers _ , like his entire form is passing through a wave of heat -

The next footsteps echo solidly in the attic room and Ryuji jumps, looking up. His eyes go wide, staring up as Joker comes to a stop in front of him, and  _ holy shit _ can Ryuji  _ see him _ ?

“This is dumb,” Joker announces to the room at large, and as Ryuji starts to sputter - holy  _ fuck _ , he  _ can _ see Joker, he can  _ hear _ him - Joker fists his hands in Ryuji’s collar and yanks him up, leaning in and sealing their mouths together.

What -

What the  _ fuck _ .

Ryuji makes a little  _ mmmph _ of surprise as Joker tilts his head, deepening the kiss and the next thing Akira knows he’s on his feet and his hand is on Joker’s shoulder and he’s  _ tearing _ him off of Ryuji, yanking him backwards and  _ away.  _ Joker stumbles back a few steps before he regains his footing, the grin spreading across his face sharp as a knife as he rubs a thumb across his lips. They’re red and wet, and Akira hates,  _ hates _ that Joker knows what Ryuji tastes like when  _ Akira doesn’t _ .

Behind him he can hear a  _ thump _ as Ryuji collapses back on the bed, but he’s busy glaring at Joker, who spreads his arms wide.

“This doesn’t have to be a problem,” Joker says, like he has all the answers, like he knows  _ anything _ , like he hasn’t just fucked up the best thing that’s happened to Akira since he came to Tokyo. Maybe the best thing that’s happened to him  _ ever _ .

“Akira.” Ryuji’s voice wavers and he clears his throat and tries again. “Akira. There are - there are  _ two _ of you, man.”

“Yeah,” Akira says, not looking away from the challenge in Joker’s grin. “Yeah, sometimes.”

“Okay. That answers nothing, but okay.” Ryuji’s hand grips warm and tight around Akira’s wrist and tugs, and Akira finds himself pulled halfway around so Ryuji can look up into his face. His lips are pink and - Akira forces himself to stop looking.

“Why,” Ryuji says very deliberately, in the way that says he’s trying and almost failing to suppress some internal screaming, “did one of you kiss me?”

_ Because he’s an asshole _ , is what Akira wants to say, but it’s only half the truth, and while he’s frantically trying to settle on something suitable Joker fills the silence.

“He was taking too long,” Joker says, propping an arm on Akira’s shoulder. Akira shrugs him immediately off and Joker folds his arms instead.

“Taking...too long.” Ryuji sounds like those words might as well have been in a foreign language for all the sense they’re making.

Akira grits his teeth. “I know you don’t - look, it won’t happen again,” Akira says, glaring at Joker again, who rolls his eyes.

Ryuji’s grip tightens around Akira’s wrist.

“...why not?”

Akira blinks.

He looks down at Ryuji, who’s staring up at him with - Akira can’t quite read the look on Ryuji’s face, but it’s  _ determined _ in a way that Akira’s rarely seen outside of the metaverse. Ryuji stands, and Akira tries to step back, give him space, but Ryuji’s grip on his wrist remains firm, holding him in place.

“Look, I’m no genius when it comes to this persona stuff, but -” Ryuji gestures between Akira and Joker, eyes lingering on the latter. “He’s you, and you’re him, right? That’s how it works.”

Joker makes a  _ continue _ gesture and Ryuji laughs nervously before looking back at Akira.

“So if  _ he _ wants to kiss me, if he says you’re ‘taking too long’ -” Ryuji licks his lips and Akira jerks his eyes away -

Until a hand on his jaw turns his head back, until Ryuji makes Akira look at him.

“Then that must mean  _ you _ want to kiss me, too,” Ryuji says, and Akira closes his eyes.

“Dude.” Ryuji’s voice rings clear, and even with in the dark Akira can tell that he’s smiling. “Dude, you could have just  _ asked _ .”

Akira’s eyes fly open.

“ _ That’s what  _ I _ said, _ ” Joker stage-whispers, but he’s not important right now, what’s important is that Ryuji’s grinning at him from inches away like he hasn’t just turned Akira’s entire world upside down.

“I thought -” Akira swallows against a suddenly tight throat. “I didn’t want to freak you out.”

Ryuji snorts. “Yeah, because  _ this _ was completely normal.” His eyes flick over Akira’s shoulder. “No offense.”

Akira can hear Joker shrug. “None taken.”

“I mean,” Ryuji shakes his head. “Did you  _ miss _ the part where I said I didn’t want to be without you?”

“I thought you meant in a friend way,” Akira manages, although he can feel something in his chest start to expand, some tightness he hadn’t even known was there start to unravel.

“Yes in a friend way,” Ryuji says, exasperated. “And -  _ also _ in this way. If that’s on the table,” he says, suddenly looking unsure.

“It’s  _ definitely  _ on the table,” Akira breathes, and he’d almost forgotten Joker was in the room until two red-gloved hands settle on his shoulders.

“ _ Now _ will you kiss him?” Joker murmurs in Akira’s ear, and Ryuji makes a strangled noise, eyes going wide.

“Two of you is -” he swallows, pink spreading across his cheeks. “Unfair,” he finishes.

“Who said anything about  _ fair _ ,” Joker purrs, and Ryuji  _ squeaks _ .

“Stop that,” Akira says over his shoulder, but it lacks any real bite and Joker just chuckles, hands sliding down Akira’s back and giving him a none-too-subtle push. Akira catches himself on Ryuji’s shoulder, and Ryuji’s hand moves down to his waist, steadying him.

Akira breathes carefully in and out, sliding his hand up to Ryuji’s neck. His skin is warm beneath Akira’s fingers.

“Can I -” Akira starts and Ryuji leans forward and presses their lips together.

Ryuji’s lips are warm, warmer than his skin. He tilts his head slightly and good goes to  _ amazing _ , lighting up Akira’s head and tugging at the unfolding thing in his chest. He feels like he can’t breathe; he feel like he doesn’t need to, like all he needs is  _ this,  _ to have Ryuji under his hands and in his arms, warm and electric like the lightning he channels, like the sparks shooting up Akira’s spine.

Arms slide around his stomach and a weight presses against his back. Joker’s chin rests on his shoulder as they break apart, as Ryuji rests his forehead against Akira’s, eyes closed and breathing deeply.

Joker hums and Ryuji cracks an eye at him. “Are you -” Ryuji licks his lips and Joker makes a noise of appreciation. “Are you a, uh - a package deal?”

Joker’s laugh vibrates against Akira’s back. “We can be. You interested in that?”

“Yes,” Ryuji says fervently, then coughs and looks at Akira. “I mean - if that’s alright with you? It would be, right? If he said so -” he frowns. “This is making my brain hurt.”

“Welcome to my life,” Akira says, leaning in to kiss him again because he  _ can  _ now, and that thought curls his toes in his socks. Ryuji hums and leans into it.

“I cannot  _ wait _ to see you explain this to Morgana,” Joker says, insufferably smug, and Akira has no choice but take his hand away from Ryuji’s skin just long enough to elbow Joker in the stomach. Ryuji laughs against his lips and Akira drinks it in, held safe between the two of them.

_ Welcome to my life _ , he had said, and he had meant it as a joke; but he means it, means every word, and with Joker warm at his back and Ryuji electric in his arms, this attic bedroom has never felt so much like  _ home _ .

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at [ThirtySixSaveFiles](http://thirtysixsavefiles.tumblr.com) on Tumblr!


End file.
